Travel has always been a theme in John Pcsolar and Alan Sandman’s relationship — and, this past fall, the Philadelphia couple fittingly headed to the West Coast to tie the knot.
Pcsolar, 57, and Sandman, 68, met in 1989 at the U.S. Airways baggage claim at Philadelphia International Airport, and sparks immediately flew. “Well, Alan had a great coat from Boyd’s that I noticed and I said, ‘Nice coat, nice-looking guy,’” Pcsolar said. Twenty-four years later, the pair married Nov. 27 at the Beverly Hills Court House in California. Pcsolar, a dairy microbiologist for QC Laboratories, and Sandman, a psychiatrist and associate medical director at Community Behavioral Health, traveled along the turnpike between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh for several years to each other before they moved in together 17 years ago in Philadelphia. The couple had a very long engagement. “He asked me to marry him 18 years ago and according to him I declined,” Pcsolar joked. “But when the Defense of Marriage Act was struck down, we said, ‘DOMA is down’ and it just became a question of when.” After New Jersey legalized same-sex marriage in October, Pcsolar said they knew they could just cross the bridge to marry, but wanted to do so in the nation’s most-populous state. “It is the biggest state and it has the most weight of law — it was a legal question for me and I felt it would be harder to rescind if our marriage was done in California,” he said. The couple also has family in California, including their son and daughter-in-law. Although their engagement was long, Pcsolar said the wedding was the complete opposite. “It was very ‘zip-zip.’ We were walk-ins. We had picked up our marriage license the day before and were told we had 90 days to get married and we couldn’t get an appointment with anyone, so we came in as walk-ins in the courthouse. It was a quick ceremony — maybe seven to eight minutes.” A close friend served as a witness to the ceremony and documented it on camera. Pcsolar said reaction from friends and family has been overwhelmingly positive. “When they heard, it was more of a reaction of, ‘OK, that is good, about time.’” Pcsolar said the pair’s capability to spend time together and apart is one strength that they have, and was demonstrated during their honeymoons, where they went to separate places. “We are not joined at the hip. That is pretty much why we took separate honeymoons. We are great together but if we need to be separate, we do our own thing,” he said. Pcsolar said he and Sandman have learned to embrace their differences and celebrate their similarities. “We learned that we have to share. We are polar opposites. I have to do his things and he has to do mine. We are like opera and football,” he said. Pcsolar said Sandman possesses qualities that continue to make him smile. “He is smart, good-looking, damn good at what he does and he is so incredibly kind to me.”