It takes two

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Whether you enjoy playing ball or just like to watch, Philly has you covered.

There are two sports tournaments in town this weekend! It’s not double vision, but you are seeing twice as many sexy men and women athletes.

Don’t be confused when you see that both tournaments have the same name. Just use my handy guide for telling the athletes apart: If they have great arms, they play softball; if they have great legs, they play soccer; and if they have a great butt, who cares? Just buy them a drink!

Liberty Bell Classic: Softball

The City of Brotherly Love Softball League hosts the 2013 Liberty Bell Classic May 24-26. Games will be at Edgely and Dairy Fields in Fairmount Park and Stauffer Fields in Woodbury, N.J.

Be sure to check out all the parties, such as the opening party from 7-10 p.m. May 24 at ICandy, 254 S. 12th St.; a block party at 7 p.m. May 25 on Camac Street between Locust and Spruce; and a closing party at 6 p.m. May 26 at the Fox and Hound, 1501 Spruce St.

Five percent of tournament proceeds and 100 percent of T-shirt sales benefit OneFundBoston to help victims of the Boston Marathon bombing. For information, see www.libertybellclassic.org.

Liberty Bell Classic: Soccer

Also May 24-26, the Philadelphia Falcons host their sixth annual Liberty Bell Classic soccer tournament, with games at Pennypack Park on the Delaware in Northeast Philly.

Coed squads of six or seven players will be paired up differently in each match to form teams of 12-14 players. Games will run from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. May 25 and 11 a.m.-3 p.m. May 26.

If you’re looking for the parties, the registration party will be from 7-9 p.m. May 24 at Stir Lounge, 1705 Chancellor St. There will be a dinner party from 5:30-8 p.m. May 25 at More Than Just Ice Cream, 1119 Locust St., and a closing party and barbecue on May 26. For more information, see www.falcons-soccer.org.

Bring it to the floor

Celebrate the timeless art of vogue from 8 p.m.-3 a.m. May 25 at Underground Arts, 1200 Callowhill St., in a runway competition featuring 10 categories of the fiercest voguing seen since Paris was burning.

Cover is $10, but Attic youth get in free. You must be 21 or over to drink. Proceeds benefit The Attic Youth Center. Contact [email protected] to enter the competition.

Bearlesque

Have you ever gone to a burlesque show and wondered what it would be like if all the hot sexy girls were actually big, hot, hairy men? Me too!

Find out what happens when bears meet burlesque at 9 p.m. May 25 at Tabu Sports Bar and Lounge, 200 S. 12th St., with your host Connor Michalchak. Cover charge is only $10, which includes one drink ticket.

Gay singles mixer

Get out from behind that computer, mute your phone and get your ass to the newest mixer in town for gay singles, 7-9 p.m. June 1 at Continental Midtown, 1801 Chestnut St. You can expect casual fun in a cool venue at this first in a series of events planned for the summer.

Anna Crusis Women’s Choir Spring Concert

Founded in 1975, the Anna Crusis Women’s Choir is a premier Philadelphia performing arts group, as well as an agent of social change.

Don’t miss their spring concert celebrating ordinary heroes at 7:30 p.m. June 1 at the First Unitarian Church of Philadelphia, 2125 Chestnut St. If you miss the first show, catch the matinee at 2 p.m. June 2. Tickets are $20 suggested donation (sliding scale from $15-$50) and are available online at www.annacrusis.com.

Big Gay Boat Party

The return of summer means the return of the Big Gay Boat Party, which is bigger and gayer and … boatier than ever!

Don’t miss your chance to rock the boat from 6 p.m.-midnight June 2 at Moshulu on Penn’s Landing, 401 S. Columbus Blvd. There will be hot boys, hot girls, hot music by DJ DeeJay and great drink specials. Cover charge is only $5 before 7 p.m. and $10 after. The deck is covered so this party is on, come rain or shine!

Sugarcoated celebrities

Brittany Lynn continues her steady, stilettoed march towards total world domination at 6 p.m. June 6 at SugarHouse Casino, 1001 N. Delaware Ave. Brittany and her fierce-some Drag Mafia will perform as Barbra, P!nk, Gaga, Britney and Beyonce.

Cover is $10, half of which will go to MANNA. You’ll also get appetizers, a free cocktail and, if you stick around after the show, you can watch Brittany join Eddie Bruce and his band on stage for a live set starting at 9 p.m. Seriously — is there nothing this lady can’t do?

Questions, comments, cool ideas for those hot summer nights? Contact Jim at [email protected] or follow him on Facebook for links to back articles and totally bitchin’ music videos!