Valentine’s Day is upon us again, the annual holiday that celebrates romance and separates all of us into two camps: the people who have no significant other and are miserable, and the people who are in relationships and miserable but have to slap a fresh coat of feigned happiness to procure the guaranteed action Valentine’s Day encourages.
No matter which camp you belong to, there are a ton of Valentine’s Day distractions to get into the spirit of love, or at least take the edge off the intense tsunami of bitterness bearing down on you.
A few events around town celebrate cynicism about love.
Before the big day, show up for “Cupid Ain’t @#$%!: An Anti-Valentine’s Day Poetry Movement,” 8 p.m. Feb. 11 at A Poet’s Art Gallery, 4510 Walnut St. Here, hosted by J. Mase III (Family Portrait, page 29), bitter poets will opine about failed relationships, love and sex.
The Cupid is Dead Fundraiser Cabaret will benefit the Collage Festival and features headliner Allies For Everyone and locally and internationally renowned musicians and artists from Philadelphia and New York, 7 p.m. at Tritone, 1508 South St. The turn-ons for this event include anything black, dead celebrity crushes, failed relationships, unrequited love, abandonment, love that kills, romantic alternatives, critiques of corporate love and expressions of everyday love. Yeah, save us a seat. For more information, visit www.collagefestival.com or call 215-545-0475.
In Matchbox Theatre Project’s one-night-only production, “Playdaters,” roommates Spencer and Erwin exploit a dating website to play a game of pranks on unsuspecting women. As the rules of the game break down, so do the rules of a conventional romantic comedy, and their crazy antics become an occasion to examine and laugh at the chaos, desperation and desire that lies in a “real” relationship. Catch it at 8:30 or 10 p.m. at Plays and Players 3rd Floor Studio Theatre, 1714 Delancey Place. For more information, call 215-735-0630.
The Trocadero Theater gets in on the Valentine’s action as only it knows how: with love, hate and apathy. The Troc gets into the spirit of the day with free candy grams, arts and crafts, dating horror stories and a screening of romantic drama “Blue Valentine,” 8 p.m., 1003 Arch St. For more information, call 215-922-6888.
If Valentine’s Day still isn’t dark enough for you, best-selling gothic horror author Anne Rice is in town to celebrate the Valentine’s Day release of her latest novel, “The Wolf Gift,” 7:30 p.m. at Central Library, 1901 Vine St. Yeah, we’re kind of over the werewolves and vampires too. But Rice is no slouch in the creativity department, and she just might give the legendary creatures the edge that the Twilight Saga stripped away. For more information or tickets, call 215-567-4341.
First Person StorySlam hosts an evening of spoken-word performances with the theme of “The Ex-Files,” so there is bound to be some drama on the mic as people share stories of love, lust and romance lost. Local performer R. Eric Thomas and guest storyteller Amanda Feifer O’Brien host all the action, 8 p.m. at World Cafe Live, 3025 Walnut St. For more information, call 215-222-1400.
Don’t despair. Love is still alive and well on Valentine’s Day in Philadelphia.
World Cafe Live also caters to the lovey-dovey side of the holiday too. Optimistic lovers can bypass the venom of the StorySlam upstairs and venture downstairs for a special Valentine’s Day wine and jazz dinner featuring The Orrin Evans Quartet at 7 p.m.
Out in Norristown, The Beagle Tavern rewards frequent users of Grindr, adam4adam and Manhunt with A Celebration of Single Life, where patrons can show their various single mobile apps for a buy-one-get-one-free drink special, 9 p.m.-2 a.m., 1003 E. Main St. For more information, call 610-272-3133.
ICandy and DJ Salotta Lee hosts an all-ages (18 and over, to be exact) spotlight party where guests are encouraged to dress for the theme: red if you’re taken, yellow if open and green if single. The traffic starts 10 p.m.-2 a.m., 254 S. 12th St. For more information, visit clubicandy.com.
Valentine’s evening really heats up in Atlantic City when R&B singer Marsha Ambrosius serenades her fans with love songs, 8 p.m. at House of Blues, 801 Boardwalk. For more information or tickets, call 609-343-4000.
Whether you’re happy or less than happy this Valentine’s Day, we hope life turns into a heart-shaped box of chocolates for you by the end of the evening.