Creep of the Week: Victoria Jackson

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I used to love “Saturday Night Live” when I was a kid. By far one of my favorite cast members was Victoria Jackson. I thought she was hilarious. Granted, she mostly played the same ditzy blonde character in every skit, but she did it well.

When Jackson left the show in 1992, I remember feeling disappointed. I was positive SNL just wouldn’t be the same without her. And, of course, it wasn’t, but my allegiance was with the show, not with Jackson. And it wasn’t long before I lost track of her.

Fast-forward almost two decades. I hadn’t even thought of Victoria Jackson in years. In fact, if you would have asked me if she were still alive, I would have been unable to answer.

But she’s alive all right. And, it turns out, completely insane.

On March 18, “The Muslims next door,” a column by Tea Party Princess Jackson, appeared on World Net Daily, the Internet’s go-to source for right-wing ranting and raving about homosexuality. Granted, Jackson’s piece is, as the title indicates, about Muslims, but she manages to get some antigay jabs in there as well (I suspect that’s editorial policy at WND).

“Why do liberals embrace Islam knowing it frowns on homosexuality?” Jackson writes. “Because they have the same goals. Progressives, communists, liberals, globalists and Muslims want to destroy America. When that goal is reached, they will fight for top billing. It will be bloody.”

Ah, yes. The great race to destroy the country and then beat the shit out of each other. She’s on to us. Granted, I don’t know where we’re going to live once our shared dream of destruction is realized. Probably Canada.

I should point out that Jackson’s criteria for “embracing Islam” simply means the opposite of denouncing Islam. So, basically, if you don’t hate something, then that means you love it. And probably want to gay-marry it. Very logically sound.

And so her thinking goes throughout her column. It’s rambling and full of sweeping generalizations and unsupported claims. At times she tries to be funny, but really she just comes across as a hateful person.

“Frankly, I’m afraid to say anything about Muslims. Why? Because they kill people,” she writes. “I try to stay away from violence, and I wouldn’t even be thinking about Islam except that they keep jumping in front of my face. No one talked about Islam when I grew up. How did they all suddenly appear in America?”

Good question. How did they “all suddenly appear in America?” Surely there weren’t Muslims here back in the ’60s and ’70s when Jackson was a kid. I mean, it’s not like Islam is one of the largest religions in the world or anything. So there’s really just no telling how they managed to get some of their people on U.S. soil right under Jackson’s nose.

All Muslims are up to no good in Jackson’s eyes. She writes, “Why can’t the ‘good, peaceful’ Muslims denounce the actions of the ‘bad, violent’ Muslims? I’m Baptist, and I denounce the actions of the Westboro Baptist Church. They are not living the way Jesus taught — but the opposite. Maybe, just maybe the ‘good’ Muslims approve of what the ‘bad’ Muslims are doing! Maybe they are celebrating it, funding it and cheering them on.”

It’s strange that Jackson seems to be completely unaware of the multitude of Muslims who condemn violence. The majority of them, even. Maybe, just maybe, she needs to read something other than World Net Daily. And before we give her too much credit for denouncing the Westboro Baptist Church, don’t forget that she doesn’t like gays one bit. Especially, it seems, not the gleeful ones.

“Did you see ‘Glee’ this week?” she writes. “Sickening! And, besides shoving the gay thing down our throats, they made a mockery of Christians — again! I wonder what their agenda is? Hey, producers of ‘Glee’ — what’s your agenda? One-way tolerance?”

Granted, I don’t watch “Glee,” but I know that there was a kiss between two boys on the show. Perhaps, for the sake of “balance,” someone should have beaten the shit out of those two fags on the same episode. You know, a nod to all of the tenderhearted Christians out there offended by a boy kissing another boy.

Remember, when you kiss a homo, you do it for Satan. But when you sucker-punch one, you’re doing it for Jesus.

D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world, she reviews rock ’n’ roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister.