Locals tell youth ‘It gets better’

In the past month, thousands of LGBTs and allies from around the world have submitted videos to out writer Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” project, an initiative that seeks personal stories to show LGBT and questioning youth that their futures can be bright. Those who have submitted videos run the gamut from actors to musicians to President Obama, but many are everyday citizens, like two contingents in Philadelphia who had their own messages for teens.

Among the endless list of “It Gets Better” videos on YouTube are offerings from employees at the Free Library of Philadelphia and players in the Greater Philadelphia Flag Football League.

Savage initiated the effort following recent LGBT youth suicides, and Liz Heideman, a librarian who works in the children’s department of the FLP’s Fumo Family Branch on South Broad Street, said FLP employees have a unique duty to look out for the well-being of the city’s youth — some of whom may be struggling with anti-LGBT harassment.

“As somebody who works with kids and teens, and really for all of us in the Free Library system, it’s our responsibility not just to be here for the kids, but to be visible,” she said. “We need to make it known that we are approachable, safe adults that they can talk to — and not just that we’re there to listen, but that we’re not going to be judgmental and we have materials here for them to help them through whatever they’re going through.”

Heideman, an open lesbian, connected with Joel Nichols, also a children’s librarian, and the two circulated e-mails throughout the FLP to generate interest. Heideman said the response was overwhelming: Had there been enough time and resources, about three-quarters of the FLP employee base would have participated in the video.

Wayne Knaub, commissioner of the GPFFL, also said his teammates were enthusiastic about submitting a video. Knaub proposed the idea to the league as a way to reach out to youth athletes — a group, he said, the campaign had not yet targeted.

“There are so many [LGBT] sports organizations nationwide, and I hadn’t seen anything yet, so I thought that, as a league, this would be something we could do and hopefully others would follow suit,” said Knaub. “We wanted to let young people know that we know it’s tough out there, but they have people who can relate to them and they need to know there’s something out there for them after high school.”

The GPFFL video encompasses personal stories from founder Scott Dinkins, assistant commissioner Justin Dolci and Knaub, who talks about his father’s long process of intolerance to tolerance to acceptance — a journey bolstered by the recent LGBT suicides, as he described how his father came to realize that his own unwillingness to accept his son could have meant losing him.

The three discussed the various levels of acceptance they encountered, but all concurred that finding the GPFFL has been invaluable.

“With a lot of the more aggressive sports like football, you often hear antigay sentiments, like ‘faggot’ or ‘queer,’ just used casually,” Knaub said. “Justin talks in the video about how he withdrew from a sport he really loved, but eventually had to come to terms with who he was, and this league allows people to do that. We have people from 21-60: When we go to tournaments and we’re out hanging out, we’re probably the oddest-looking bunch of people. But the common thread we all share is our love of football and the friendships we’ve been able to build around that. A lot of guys say that joining this league and doing gay sports in general has changed their lives.”

The video, compiled at a GPFFL game, was shot and edited by local filmmaker Damian Tracy and also includes “It Gets Better” proclamations from dozens of other league members.

Louis Finley, a Drexel University student and GPFFL league member, said he chose to be involved because he wanted to show other young people just what kind of opportunities are available to them.

“This is something that really resonates with the community right now, with all the statistics of suicides,” he said. “I think that [LGBT athletes] are not a segment that a lot of people know about. I know a lot of people right now who aren’t into sports because they’re gay, and I think this video can show people that you can be gay and you can play sports also. It’s something a lot of people don’t think of, but I’m really glad that I found it.”

Temple University student Nick Kirkstat, who joined GPFFL earlier this year, shortly after coming out, said he’s struggled to come to terms with his sexual orientation since he was 13.

The Western Pennsylvania native played football and other sports throughout his education, but said he was always fearful that his teammates might realize that he was different, and joined in using the word “gay” as a derogatory term, to deflect attention from himself.

“I’d always be the first one into the locker room and the last one to leave, because I wanted to make sure there was no chance of anyone starting to see me as gay. I was always worried that someone would find out,” Kirkstat said, noting that his membership in GPFFL has opened his eyes to the gay-sports world. “I never knew there were other people like myself who were gay but who were also into sports. I come from a small town where there’s just this one stereotype of a gay man, so I was so confused about who I was, because I realized I liked men, but I didn’t act like that stereotype. But I finally was able to discover that there are other people like me and that I’m not alone.”

So far, the video, which launched Oct. 31, has racked up more than 6,000 views on YouTube, with hits from South Africa to Australia to the Middle East, and Knaub said it’s been featured on such sites as AfterElton, Towelroad and OutSports.

The FLP video is also featured prominently on a new tab on the library’s main website that offers resources for LGBTQ teens. The section, located under the Explore header on the homepage, provides websites, book listings and electronic resources that deal with topics pertinent to LGBT and questioning teens.

In the FLP “It Gets Better” video, the 10 employees who took part reference the wealth of educational opportunities the library can present to teens questioning their sexuality, and many of them also tell of their own struggles with those questions. The librarians mention violent bullying and feelings of isolation and fear, which they said eventually dissipated as they grew up.

Heideman, a native of Iowa, said that while she didn’t face antigay bullying growing up, she was brought up in a strict Catholic family and didn’t begin to explore her sexuality until college. She noted in the video that, despite hearing antigay messages from her church and other segments of her community as a youth, she now has the ability to get married in her home state.

Donald Root, FLP chief of Central Public Services, said while societal acceptance of the LGBT community has evolved since his youth, homophobia of any intensity can still have detrimental effects on young people.

“When I was young, we weren’t seeing images on TV or in movies the way we do now. For my generation, all we knew about was Liberace, and you just knew that you weren’t supposed to be like him,” Root said. “But even today — even if we can claim 10 percent of the population or get marriage rights — we’re still not in the majority, and young people are still going to have those internal struggles. We all had those questions and those struggles and a lot of us faced that harassment, but it gets better. You eventually find your community, find your place and you find out how to be comfortable with yourself.”

Root said he was especially driven to participate in the video to demonstrate that widespread support LGBT teens can expect at the library, from each individual branch up to its top-tier management.

“When I first saw the e-mail about this, I thought, Sure, I’m game. And then I realized that sometimes I forget my position as one of the administrators and the head of the main library. So I thought that my participating in this would be reflective of how this entire administration supports this and support the teens. I felt like this was important for me to show not only my personal support but also through my position to communicate the support of the entire library system.”

To view the videos, visit www.phillyflagfootball.com and www.freelibrary.org. To view all of the “It Gets Better” videos or to submit your own video, visit www.itgetsbetterproject.com.

Jen Colletta can be reached at [email protected].

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