More than 100 family members and friends will gather in Vermont this weekend to celebrate the wedding of two active Philadelphia LGBT community members.
Ray Murphy and Joel Nichols will wed at the Middlebury Town Hall Theater in Middlebury, Vt., Oct. 30.
Although Vermont is a marriage-equality state, the pair said their union is not about politics, but rather a way to honor their relationship and future before their loved ones.
“We both have reservations about the way that marriage is such a priority in terms of policy,” Murphy said. “So it’s not for the legal aspect, but I knew that I wanted to spend my life with him and when we got engaged, I think that just affirms that.”
Murphy proposed to Nichols two days after Christmas in 2008 in Nichols’ mother’s living room in Vermont.
“When he asked me to marry him, I said yes, but only if we don’t call it marriage,” he said. “I think that’s something that gay people often do so they behave by the same rules as straight people. For a long time, I was totally against it because I don’t think it should be the foremost right that queer people should be fighting for. If we lived in Vermont, of course I’d be happy to have the inheritance and pension rights and all that come with marriage, but for us there are a lot of other important political things that we care about too.”
Nichols, a native of Vermont, moved to Philadelphia in 2003 to begin a master’s program in creative writing at Temple University. Murphy sent Nichols a message on Friendster and the pair decided to meet up in person at a local bar.
“I thought he was really cute,” Murphy said. “I remember thinking his hair was too long: He looked like Tommy in ‘Hedwig [and the Angry Inch].’ But I thought he was out of my league.”
That wasn’t the case, however, as Nichols echoed Murphy’s comments word for word.
“I thought he was really cute,” Nichols said. “I was brand new to Philly and I was impressed that he showed me all around and showed me what stuff there was to do here. I was trying to feel out the city for myself for a few weeks and then all of a sudden I had this expert leading me around.”
When living in Vermont, Nichols worked as a columnist at the state’s only gay newspaper. In 2002, he was selected for a Fulbright fellowship and studied sexology and gay literature in Germany. Since moving to Philadelphia, Nichols, 30, has earned a degree from Temple, as well as a master’s degree in library and information science from Drexel University and works as a children’s librarian at the Free Library of Philadelphia.
Murphy, 31, is a native of Philadelphia who attained his bachelor’s degree in social work from the University of Pittsburgh. He has been active in the local LGBT political scene, serving as a former co-chair of Liberty City LGBT Democratic Club and the founder of Philadelphians Against Santorum, which helped to successfully unseat the antigay former senator. Murphy is currently the director of communications for social-justice foundation Bread & Roses Community Fund.
Although they have somewhat different career trajectories, Nichols said he and Murphy realized at the beginning of their relationship just how much they did have in common.
“We have shared values for social change,” he said. “We have pretty similar politics and both have a passion for social policy that we connected over the first night we met and I think that’s something we’ve been continuing to develop together.”
Murphy noted that the wedding itself will demonstrate a principle he and Nichols support.
“I think the ceremony will show the power of community, which is something both of us believe strongly in,” he said. “Communities have the power to change people’s lives and make the world a better place to live. And we’re going to have a community of friends and family around us to help us affirm our relationship, and I think that’s going to give us strength that will help us to get through the good times and the bad times that I’m sure are both ahead.”
Jen Colletta can be reached at [email protected].