The Latino Pride Festival is the brainchild of Iris Melendez and Brenda Torres, two businesswomen who started the event as a way to give back to their community and the loyal customers of their popular gay bar, Rainbow Eye, at Fifth and Jefferson streets.
PGN: Iris, tell me a little about yourself. IM: I was born in Puerto Rico but I’m a Philly gal. I’ve been in Philly since I was 3. I’m a single mother of a 13-year-old boy. He’s a good kid and a real character and a blessing in my life. I’ve worked for the last 16 years in the Department of Public Welfare and hopefully I’ll be retiring soon, when my son goes to college! I’ve owned the bar Sammy’s Place for 17 years and opened Rainbow Eye upstairs almost three years ago. My motto: I try to keep it clean, neat and quiet.
PGN: Have you gone back to Puerto Rico? IM: Oh yes, we go almost twice a year. We go visit friends and family, cruise the island and have a ball. It’s wonderful.
PGN: What’s the difference between the gay scene there and here? BT: In Puerto Rico, there’s a lot more partying. You would think that it would be focused more in the metro areas but there are a lot of gay clubs all over. In Boqueròn, on the south side of the island, they have “Gay Day” every Sunday and hold the biggest annual Pride Fest — bigger than in the metro area. IM: We’re more open here, but in Puerto Rico there are a lot more gay-owned establishments, whereas in Philly a lot of the places are owned by straight people or just have a once-a-month gay event at a straight place.
PGN: What were you like as a kid? IM: I’ve always been a girly girl. I had a good childhood, very happy, with a large family — nine of us. My parents worked during the summer in the fields, and in the winter we were part of the welfare system. But we were very close.
PGN: What’s a favorite memory? IM: My mother always made sure to celebrate our birthdays. From the oldest guy to the youngest girl, she baked each of us a cake with M&Ms on it and we got $2 for the candy store. Back then, it was a penny candy store, so it was like going shopping for us! And we got a new outfit for our birthdays. We also didn’t have money for outings but there were a lot of fun gatherings at home. We also had dinner at the table each night, but there was just one meal cooked; there was no, “Oh, so and so doesn’t like that.” If you didn’t like it, she’d just tell you to find the thing you did like on the plate. That was it.
PGN: How did you fit in the family? IM: I was the proper child. The littlest one was the wild child and the oldest one was the responsible one. I kind of felt like I was in the shadows. At one point, I confronted my mom about that. I said, “You worry about the little one all the time and you’re always on my big sister’s case, but it’s like I’m not here. My name hardly ever gets mentioned!” And she explained that the youngest always gave her the headaches, and that she had to make sure the oldest was helping out with everybody, and that I never gave her any problems, so she didn’t worry about me. Once I reminded her that I existed, we grew closer.
PGN: Where did you go to school? IM: Ludlow Elementary, Penn Treaty Middle School, Mastbaum High, CCP [Community College of Philadelphia] and then La Salle for college.
PGN: How’s work for the DPW? IM: It’s fun. I work in the Girard district and we are like family. We eat like crazy and love to throw lunch parties. I taught them my Latino Christmas traditions — the roast pig and our version of caroling, which is really loud and fun with a lot of instruments: It’s definitely not a “Silent Night”!
PGN: What was coming out like for you? IM: It was hard. There was first denial and fear of rejection. My older brother had heard something and he called me from Wisconsin — we’re all spread out now — and I was honest with him and he took it upon himself to spread it to the whole family. The first year, my mother refused to speak to me and I was not invited to any family functions. I was pretty much an outcast. Well, not so much me, but my gayness was outcast. My brother said, “You’re my sister and I love you for that, but I won’t accept any of your relationships or that side of you.” But it’s getting better: They’re starting to come around and accept Brenda as my partner. My father was supportive from the start.
PGN: How about your son? IM: He’s great. It never bothered him. When he was young, we saw a program on TV where two guys kissed. When he reacted to it, I explained that there were all types of love and they were all OK, so when I got into a gay relationship he was OK with it.
PGN: Tell me about the business. IM: My son’s father originally rented the building and wanted to buy it. He had a hard time making settlement, so I stepped in and bought it. After a while, we separated and, not long after that, I came out. It’s been a straight bar called Sammy’s Place downstairs and, each Labor Day, I throw a big picnic to give back to my neighbors and customers. I actually do five parties a year and everything is free except the bar. I have food and music and fun for everyone. I met Brenda at one of the parties: She had a catering company and a friend asked her if she would volunteer to run our grill. Afterward, we got talking and I mentioned that I wanted to open up Rainbow Eye and she told me that she’d been looking to open up a gay venue, so we started as business partners. BT: We put together a business plan and opened Rainbow Eye. Within weeks of opening, everyone started assuming that we were together as a couple. We weren’t, but one day she looked at me and said, “You know what, I am interested. We’re both single and everyone already thinks we’re together … ” and I told her, “Hey, I’m feeling you too, let’s go for it.” And we’ve been together ever since. People gave us three months and we’re going on three years. We’re a family. I have a daughter, Tatianna, who’s 11 and we’re two professional women raising two kids.
PGN: When did you come out? BT: I was born in this life. I’ve been a tomboy since I was a baby! [Smiles.] I don’t like to talk about the past in front of Iris, but I can tell you my first kiss with a girl was at 6 and my first formal relationship was when I was 15 with a 41-year-old woman. It came naturally to me. Despite that, coming out was really, really hard. I’m still suffering for it. My mother doesn’t accept my relationship. She won’t be around me because it means she will be in sin. I didn’t grow up with my dad, but the small relationship that we did have ended when I held the first Latino Pride Fest. He’s from Philadelphia and was unhappy to see me in all the newspapers. We haven’t spoken since we did the first event.
PGN: And where are you originally from? BT: I was born in Cleveland, Ohio, but was raised in Philadelphia. I spent most summers in Puerto Rico. The minute school was out, my mother would ship us out the next day to stay with our grandparents there. My grandfather was my father figure and both grandparents are my biggest supporters. They get on my mom for being homophobic. My grandfather passed away before he could meet her, but my grandmother adores Iris.
PGN: Any siblings? BT: One sister — I’m the oldest — and I have a half-brother. I was always the caregiver. It’s amazing that with some of the family, they come to me for help and advice but then when it comes to my homosexuality, they reject me. It hurts, hurts to have the person who brought you into this world ask you to take care of them as long as you don’t ever share your life with them. It sucks. I’ve had to say, “Look, this is my life, I have a wife and great family. I’m a lesbian 24 hours a day: I can’t stop just for you. If you can’t handle it, it’s your problem and your loss.” I’m not ashamed of who I am; to know us is to love us. Downstairs, once they got to know us and what the LGBT community was like, we got amazing support from the straight customers. Granted, we’re not the types to make a scene: We feel it’s important that you conduct yourselves in a respectful way. We’re not hanging all over each other, we’re not promiscuous and we try to make sure our gay customers also represent themselves in an honorable way too. And the people downstairs adore our staff. We have drag shows downstairs and the straight people have a ball. We’ve had them request drag shows for birthday parties.
PGN: Higher learning? BT: I graduated from Olney High School here and went to Puerto Rico for my college degree and then returned to Philadelphia. Now I work as a manager for the Philadelphia Gas Works and they’re awesome. They’re one of the few companies to offer same-sex benefits.
PGN: Why did you start Latino Pride? BT: We have the first openly gay Latino club in North Philadelphia. Three years ago, we got a block permit and had a big party for our customers. We had over 1,500 people show up. It was so big that we decided to make it a Latino Pride Festival. Unfortunately there’s a lot of disconnect between the Latino and the mainstream LGBT community. I mean, we’d never even heard of the PGN until we opened Rainbow Eye. We also found ourselves in conflict with the main Pride Day festivities, which was never our intention. In fact, we’ve now moved it to the week before so that we can act as an unofficial kick-off to Pride Week, a little taste of what’s to come at the main event. This year, we expect over 4,000 people to attend.
PGN: So what can people look forward to? BT: Edgar Joel, who is a well-known salsa singer; we have a number of dancers performing; Alexis Cartier — Miss Philly Black Gay Pride — will perform as well. And on top of that, we’ll have fun and activities and lots of food. Our guest DJ for the day will be the one and only Maria V., and Terri Cotto from Shampoo is our MC. I have to say thanks to Orlando Realty; they have been supporters from the very beginning and are the ones responsible for getting Edgar Joel for us. We’re dedicating the event to Joaquin Rivera, a local musician and activist who died in a Philadelphia emergency room after waiting nearly 80 minutes for help for an apparent heart attack. He was a counselor at my high school and, last year, I asked him to help us get some traditional Puerto Rican music and dance. He said, “You got it Brenda” and his group opened the festival for us last year. We’re also raising awareness about autism. One of our customers had a son who was autistic. She had a very difficult time getting help for him and it tragically ended when he was murdered by his father. It seems that there are a lot of people dealing with the disease and we feel the festival can’t be just about partying. It has to have an educational aspect to it.
PGN: Now for the random questions. Ever been on a blind date? BT: Unfortunately, yes, I had a blind date in New York. A good friend of mine set it up. The minute I walked in, I knew it was a bad idea. We had nothing in common. It was a disaster: She wasn’t even paying for the dinner and she started arguing with the waiter over the prices. It was embarrassing. I even skipped dessert so I could get out of there faster. Painful.
PGN: Last time you went ice-skating? BT: Oh my God, my daughter was about 3. I fell so much and hurt so badly that I never went again. She’s 11 now, which should tell you something.
PGN: What supernatural power would you like to possess? BT: I want to read minds so that I know what people are thinking when they look at us …
PGN: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? BT: My temper. I don’t even have to think twice. I’m getting better, but that Puerto Rican temper of mine gets me in trouble! I’m trying to learn Iris’ style to be diplomatic, but I’m not there yet.
PGN: Any incidents come to mind? BT: Iris probably has a few stories … IM: Not thinking before she speaks. BT: Nooo! Not thinking, that’s not true! I’m just the kind of person who likes to get to the point. Talking before I think, that’s a good one. IM: But, that’s how it starts. BT: Well, yeah. I’ve learned not to have conversations when I’m upset. Because if I do that, you’ll get a side of Brenda you don’t want to see.
PGN: Iris, what’s the worst food you’ve eaten? IM: Well, I’m allergic to onions, so I stay away from them, but I think okra is the worst tasting. I can’t even look at it — too slimy.
PGN: What’s the farthest you’ve traveled? IM: Central America, Costa Rica, in a car for 11 days. It was a great adventure. The most beautiful country and the people are wonderful. Very humble. From the minute you arrive, they treat you like you’ve lived there half your life. Like you’re family.
PGN: Whom do you want to read this interview? IM: Everybody! Especially people in the Latin community, so they know that we’re not just gay, we’re educated, intelligent, professional businesswomen who just happen to be gay. We get the PGN in our straight bar and they love to read it — it starts a lot of conversations. I hope that we can get you a lot of new readers from this.
PGN: It seems that giving back is important to you. Where did that come from? IM: I think it stems from my upbringing. My parents were very generous. There were two homeless African-American gentlemen who stayed in our area and every holiday — Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving — when we finished dinner, my mother would make a plate for them. They would get dinner, a cigarette, a beer and $2. [Laughs.] My mother was big on the $2 thing. When we first opened the business, my son’s father started the block parties. He gave away a lot. He was very generous, though not a good businessman, but we’ve carried on the tradition at both Sammy’s Place and Rainbow Eye.
PGN: How does it make you feel? IM: It’s great. I stay in the background, but I like walking around and hearing people say good things and hearing positive feedback. It humbles me. BT: We try to do a lot of things throughout the year too. We’ll let people use the place for fundraisers, birthdays, we’ll do various benefits and, every Sunday, we put out a spread of food for people, free of charge. We were at The Home Depot just yesterday and a couple came up and said, “You know, you are the only bar that feeds people.” IM: We love doing it. It’s our way of saying thank you.
Rainbow Eye Fifth and Jefferson streets Second floor (267) 235-6045
The third annual Latino Pride Festival will be held from 2-9 p.m. June 5 at Fifth and Jefferson.
To suggest a community member for “Professional Portraits,” write to: Professional Portraits, 505 S. Fourth St., Philadelphia, PA 19147 or [email protected].